Bermuda with Baby on Board!

Bermuda was amazing!!  Trip of a lifetime.

When I was sick and in the hospital, my entire family was affected.  Everyone was affected, and everyone had to deal with what happened in their own way.  Watching me almost die and then fight and fight for my life took a toll on everyone in my family.  Dealing with doctors at the first hospital not knowing what I had or how to treat it killed my family.  Being told I would lose my leg, watching me go into surgery after surgery... feeling hope and then having that hope taken away time and time again... watching me struggle in pain, fight the ventilator, my vitals getting worse and worse... worse then better then worse again... the pain of it all really hurt everyone in their own way.

When I was finally a tiny bit better and on the road to recovery, but still in the hospital, my Uncle Steve, Aunt Nancy, and cousin Nikki came to visit me.  Everyone was tired and defeated but hopeful and thankful of miracle after miracle they had witnessed.  God had stepped in and taken over and saved my life and everyone couldn't help but feel thankful, blessed, and in awe of God and the power of family, love, faith, and prayer.  On Christmas, when everyone was visiting me in the hospital, Uncle Steve announced that when I was healed and better, he wanted to celebrate this miracle by taking the entire family on a cruise.

Last week, he took 20 Bahrs on a sail to Bermuda.  It was absolutely breathtaking and beautiful and amazing and such a complete blessing to all be together celebrating life and God's miracle.  It was a step in the healing process that we all needed.  Just to be together, laugh, have fun.  I can never thank him enough for the precious gift that he gave to me and my family.  I'm in awe of his generosity.

Probably my favorite thing we did was the day Jon, me, my best cousin Bryan and his wife Gaby rented mopeds and explored the island.  We drove to Horseshoe Bay Beach where we met up with the rest of the family and spent the day there.  It was so much fun and so insanely beautiful.  And I trekked up a very steep cliff with my little fighter of a leg.  It was amazing to see how far I've come physically.  I had to take a minute up there looking out at the beauty of the sea and the cliffs and just thank God for saving me and my leg and for the determination he bestowed upon me since birth-- that I'm a fighter and I won't give up, no matter how hard it is.

The hyperemesis was still in full force, so I had my IV in the whole time.  But after a day or two, the sea and the air calmed me like it always does.  I remember how on my honeymoon in Kauai last year, my pain (still pretty fresh at the time) seemed to get better the longer I was there.  On Friday (the second to last day of our trip), I decided to take the IV out while we were driving the mopeds.

Little did I realize that night we'd experience the worst waves and boat rocking our captain had ever experienced in his 25 years.  We were sailing home on the outskirts of Hurricane Anthony and the boat started rocking back and forth so bad I couldn't stand up without falling.  Immediately the vomiting started and it was continuous, every 5 or so minutes all night long.  The next day, the boat continued to rock and all I could do was lay there and want to die.  By that time, the vomiting was about once an hour.  I couldn't even keep a sip of water down without throwing up immediately.  I would try to stand up and my legs would literally give out, a combination of extreme sea sickness/hyperemesis, dizziness, and weakness from lack of food and fluids.  At one point, Jon got me into the shower and I sat on the floor, just throwing up over and over, and Jon ran to find my parents to try and get some dramamine.  My cousin Lance had some, but as soon as I took it, I threw up.  I thought I was gonna die that night... seriously.  Jon and I were both scared.... here we were in a boat in the middle of the ocean without a hospital to help me.  At last, Jon was able to get me up to my parents room on a higher deck and I felt better being higher up where the rocking was a little less and I could breathe fresh air from their balcony.  As the second day went on, the sea began to calm and my stomach started to calm too.  It took a few days to feel back to normal but I'm feeling much better now.  Other than that little hiccup, the trip was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I just can never thank my Uncle Steve and Aunt Nancy enough for blessing me, Jon, and my whole Bahr family with the trip of a lifetime.

Had a dr appointment yesterday.  Baby boy is doing great, but mama isn't yet.  My nec fasc or scars haven't been an issue at all.... it's the darn hyperemesis.  I lost 5 more lbs and the doc said any more and I'm getting a feeding tube.  For now, we're gonna try Ensure (ewwww hospital flashback!!) and protein shakes.  Please pray that this vomiting subsides soon and kiddo keeps growing.  We're gonna start doing serial ultrasounds (every 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks, then every week and then biweekly until delivery).  Dr. Yockey foresees bed rest in the future and we're doing every lab and every preventative measure to prevent that.  She's concerned that the organ failure during nec fasc might cause some preterm labor or pre-eclampsia/eclampsia later on, so we're being extra viligent.  Again, I have the best OB team watching me and this baby and we are so blessed for that.

Keep praying for our little man...grow bean grow!  Pray that he is HEALTHY. That's all we care about.  

16 week pictures!

16.5 weeks!  We're well into the second trimester and the hyperemesis has no end in sight.  I still have the IV pump in continuously.  I'm gonna write a more detailed post later about our trip to Bermuda but we just got home a day and a half ago, and I have so much to do.  But I did want to post a 16 week picture.  Definitely a bump there.  Our little man is growing!

13 weeks and 12 miles!!!

13 weeks today!

I celebrated by running 12 miles early this morning.... my longest run to date since recovery.  It is amazing what a continuous IV of zofran can do!!

I feel alot better with this med.  It's a pain carrying around the pump, but I detach it when I'm running or showering and then just restart it when I'm done and give myself a bolus before and after.  The first night it was placed, I ran and I had to stop twice to puke.  Detaching it made me immediately sick.  But the Dr. said that I could detach it and bolus it before and after if I wanted to run, and see how that works.  Technically I could leave it attached to me while I'm running, but honestly, it's so much easier to just take it off for that time.  Plus, they've upped the dose twice since they started it, and I think that's really helping too.

I'm still throwing up, but I only threw up ONCE yesterday.... YAY!!!

Now, let's hope we're almost past this stage so I can get the IV out.  I think it will probably be at least a few more weeks, but I'm praying it's out by the time we go to Bermuda.... we leave in 2 weeks!!

Last night, we celebrated Jon's first "father's day" by going to the Belly Factory to see the baby on ultrasound.  It's a really cute and cool place that does ultrasounds at any time.  Of course, this isn't covered by insurance, so it isn't cheap, but it's nice to be able to go and see the peanut whenever we want.  Baby was soooo cute again.  Legs were straight up in the air again.  Must've been stretching after a kicking session.  Jon got to see the baby moving alot and punching his/her arms.  Soo sweet.  Heart rate was 164.... still in the girl zone, but again, none of that stuff really matters... this little could be a boy or girl.  And we find out this week!!!!  YAY!!

Please continue to pray for a healthy, healthy, healthy, baby.  thank you!

12+4.. and pictures!

Well here we are... 12 weeks 4 days!!

Last week, I had a BIG ultrasound.  The ultrasound in the safe (safer) zone.  My previous ultrasound was around 8 weeks, so from 8-12 weeks I had to just cross my fingers and pray that baby was ok and continuing to grow and develop.

When the ultrasound tech (and let me just mention that my doctor has the BEST ultrasound tech in the world) put the US on and I immediately saw and heard the bean, who is no longer a bean, I couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time.  Our kiddo is SOOOO CUTE.  He or she is a real baby now!! I could see everything- the head, face, body, arms, legs.  The funniest part was when she first put the probe on, I saw a perfect profile of the baby, and baby's leg was sticking straight up in the air.  I laughed so hard because that is exactly the position I was in when I was in the coma in the hospital.  Everytime my family or the doctor came into my room, I was laying there with my leg just straight up and out in the air.  No one knew why, but I was always doing it.  It probably felt more comfortable to me somehow, or alleviated the pain in my leg or back.  Not sure, but when I saw my baby laying there with one leg up and out in the air, it was just beyond hilarious and prophetic and beautiful.  You wanna see a picture of my peanut??  Look closely and you'll see his/her little leg up in the air like mama.

How cute is that little foot??

About a minute after I watched my baby lay there with his/her leg in the air with the tech explaining what everything was, all of a sudden, the baby started moving.  He/she started kicking his/her legs really fast and stretching his/her arms.  Looked like my little is gonna be a runner like mama.  Those little legs kicking so fast looked like my baby couldn't wait to get out and start running.  Which is good, because he/she is gonna spend alot of time with mama in the jogging stroller running around Naperville  when he or she is born.  

Speaking of running, I'm still keeping up with it and running anywhere from 6-10 miles a day, usually about 6 days a week.  My speed hasn't suffered either....yet.  Around a 7:00 min split.  I've started using the belly band when I'm running because it feels more secure and I feel like I'm not bouncing the baby around.  And thank you all for your sweet concerns, but no worries, my doctor has okay'ed my running and is keeping very close track of my activity, diet, & baby.  I am in that office constantly, which is kinda nice, because I love my doctor, Dr. Yockey, and her midwives Nicole and Donna.  

And as for the vomiting.  Now it's officially been diagnosed as hyperemesis and I am on a continuous zofran IV pump.  There's a little tube that goes directly into my stomach to administer the med and I just got it put in this morning, so it's too early to tell if it will help.  With the oral zofran pills, I was throwing up around 6-10 times a day.  And if I went a day without the zofran, I would literally throw up every hour, sometimes more.  For example, I ran out on Saturday and didn't take it for half of Saturday and part of Sunday, and by Sunday morning, I was throwing up every 15 minutes, intense intense dry heaving....I couldn't breathe.  It was horrible.  At my appointment last week, they realized I've lost 7 lbs and that was it... decision was made to start the IV infusion.  At least it's at home and I don't have to go into the hospital, although if I lose anymore weight or this pump doesn't cut it, I'm gonna find myself back in the hospital with the freaking tube feedings again.  Please take a second and pray for me that it doesn't get to that level.  

Despite the weight loss, my little one has been growing steadily and I have a little bump to prove it.  I'm so proud of that little peanut in there, just growing and moving and developing, even though his/her mama has been so sick.  He/she is still measuring about 2 weeks small, but the growth is consistent and steady.  Here's some (rare) pictures of my belly bump.  I am sooo not the type to take preggo pictures, so don't expect to see a preg photoshoot from this girl.  No offense to those who do, but it's just never been something I've wanted to do.  I do want to keep track of my bump growth, so I'll take an occasional pic of the bump and share if I feel ok to do it.  Here you go.. please don't judge my messy bathroom and scrub pants/hoodie outfit.  I've already puked 4 times this morning and I'm not dressing up just to throw up all over myself.

Please also excuse my abdominal scars.  

So, there you have it.  Please continue to pray for a healthy baby, a healthy pregnancy, and a stop in the  vomiting.  I HATE HYPEREMESIS.  Oh yes, one more exciting thing.... we will be finding out the sex of the baby NEXT WEEK!  I know it's early, but the first trimester blood test for genetic screening now tells you the sex of the baby around 2 weeks after the blood test.  They took my labs last week, so by next week, we'll know if this is a miss or mr.  Any guesses?

Let's talk about Hyperemesis.

Let's talk about hyperemesis.

Oh my gosh, do I have a whole new respect for my patients who have to go through this pregnancy madness.  I honestly thought everyone threw up when pregnant.  Not a big deal, right?  I knew it was a little abnormal when I was at my 6 or 7 week appointment, throwing up all day, and asked my doctor for some zofran.  She was happy to give it to me when she found out I was throwing up.  She proceeded to tell me that they usually don't prescribe it for that constant yucky nausea pregnant feeling, but once the patient is throwing up multiple times a day, they need the zofran.  While that nausea feeling does suck... (Donna, who is the midwife in the office and also one of my friends from work, calls it a sour stomach feeling).... that nausea is nothing.  Throwing up every hour, all day all night, gagging and banging your head on the toilet, crying, not being able to move your head or you'll throw up, spending an entire 3 hour flight in an airplane bathroom puking, spending your whole life trying to figure out what to try and eat because EVERYTHING makes you throw up.... that is hyperemesis.  So far I've had to get IV fluids at the hospital a few times, when I can't keep anything down for 12 hours, including water.  Some women get to the point where they lose so much weight they have to be hospitalized for weeks at a time with a feeding tube.  We are not at that point, thank God.  Hopefully this madness will end soon, because right now, it's consuming my life and making this pregnancy NOT FUN.

For those of you with hyperemesis, wives with HE, or friends with HE.... Here are some things I've had a little success with.  Tips, if you will.  They don't help that much.  But hey, maybe it will give you an extra hour without puking.  Which is all I ask for some days.

1.  Always try to keep something in your stomach.  Even if it's literally one saltine.  A completely empty stomach makes it worse.  Sometimes it's a cycle of me eating something, then immediately puking, then eating something, then immediately puking.  But even a bite or two of something is better than nothing.

2. Zofran (some people refuse to take any meds at all while pregnant.  Trust me, if you're puking 24 times in a 24 hour period, you're gonna be taking the zofran.  I ran out one Saturday a few weeks ago, and in the day I didn't have it, I threw up 20 times.  If I take it regularly, I usually throw up 6-10 times a day).  Take the zofran.

3. Preggo pops.  I don't think they really work, but I think it's a mental thing.  I just suck on them pretending they're working and try not to think about throwing up.

4. Running.  It sounds weird, but I haven't had to stop once during a run while pregnant to throw up.  It calms my stomach and helps me breathe regular and it somehow helps.  Which is great, because I would hate not being able to run everyday.  I'm sure I'll reach a point during the pregnancy when I won't be able to run anymore, but right now, my doctor is okay with it, and my body likes it.  My kid is already used to our daily run, and I plan to continue that as long as I possibly can, and as soon as I can after delivery.  I will dedicate a whole post to pregnancy running sometime in the next few weeks.

5. Fresh air.  This really seems to help.  Sometimes if I'm feeling really horrible, I'll just walk outside.  Even just taking Mady out-- the outside air immediately relieves the nausea.  It comes back, but it's crazy how just going from inside to outside, I have an immediate feeling of relief.  I've been keeping the  windows open, but it still doesn't compare to actually walking outside and standing there in the fresh air.  Mady and I have been taking long walks everyday, which is great for her, and the outside air is great for me.

6.  Sleep.  Obviously, if I'm sleeping, I'm not feeling nauseous.  It sucks waking up though, because I always feel the worst when I first wake up.  Whether it's from a nap, in the morning, whatever... waking up from sleep is the worst time for nausea and vomiting for me.  But when I'm actually asleep, it's good.  Speaking of sleep, I could sleep for 24 hours a day right now and still be tired.  I've never felt  fatigue like this... it's crazy!

7.  No plain water.  Dr said it makes most hyperemesis patients puke more.  Gatorade or juice is better. Weird.

8. Finally-- Zofran IV pump.  Attached to your stomach and continuously administering the miracle drug for puking.  I just added this one- weeks later- because I now have my pump. I'm still puking but only 3 times today!

Come on, second trimester.  Please be better.  My baby hates food as of now.

Important Questions.

Mommy Questions:

I have a million questions for my mama friends out there, and I'm gonna start writing them down now so I don't forget later.  I'm 11 weeks today.  Hopefully in another few weeks we'll be able to make the big announcement.  It's crazy to think everyone is just living their lives, and no one (well besides our family and my best friends) have a clue that I'm almost 3 months pregnant with a miracle babe.

Anyways... gonna start jotting some of these questions down now so I'll remember to ask y'all when it's  okay to.

1. Serious runner moms-- what is the best running stroller out there?  Is it better to have a separate running stroller and carseat/stroller combo for everyday?  My SIL uses her running stroller on a daily basis, but it seems a little less stable than I'd like for marathons and trail runs.  I'm a mom that's gonna be running long distances 6-7 days a week, so the investment is worth it...but what exactly do I need?

2. How many carseats do we need?  Should we get one carseat/stoller and one additional carseat?  Or is that unnecessary.  Is it really annoying moving the bases or not a big deal?  What do you guys have?

3.  I need a pack and play, right?  What is that exactly?

4.  And what else-- a baby swing?  play pen?  (or is that the same thing as a pack and play?)

5.  Crib and a separate bassinet, right?  Worth it to get the crib that turns into the big kid bed or not?

6. If i'm going to strictly breastfeed, do I still need bottles?  If so, how many?  Just a few?  (I'll pump too  eventually, but not for awhile.)  Dr. Browns are best, right?  And you can do pumped milk in the dr. browns or do you get bottles with your pump?

7.  For pumped milk, what do I need?  Freezer bags?

8. What are the baby products, furniture, etc. that you couldn't live without?

9.  What baby products do you not really need and would exchange for something else?

10. Besides cute outfits for certain events, what does a baby born in December typically wear on a daily basis? I know from being an aunt that Caleb does not wear jeans and cute little polos everyday.  What kind of clothes should I buy a bunch of?

Almost 11 weeks y'all!

10 weeks 5 days today.  Moving right along, and almost done with my first trimester.

 Hyperemesis is worse than ever, even though my zofran dose was doubled before last weekend.

The wedding in Dallas was a blast- besides my constant puking.  I threw up the whole plane ride there, the whole day of the rehearsal, in the bathroom of the mexican restaurant at the rehearsal dinner, the rest of that night in the hotel room.  The next day, Saturday (the day of the wedding), I did okay throughout the day while we were getting hair and makeup done, and then THANK GOD, I made it through the ceremony okay.

Tragedy struck after bridal party announcements at the reception.  Instead of walking over to where the rest of the bridal party was standing to greet the bride and groom, I got introduced, then ran out the door into the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up for the first 20 minutes of dinner.  Eek.

After dinner, I was able to dance and make it through the rest of the reception okay, and actually had an awesome time dancing with my family and cousins and uncles and Jon... that is, until the last hour.  The last hour of the reception was again spent hugging the toilet, and as soon as the reception was over, Jon and I raced back to our hotel room for more, you guessed it, puking!

Despite the constant trips to throw up, we had a great time with my family, went to some amazing restaurants, and had a blast at Christina's wedding.  It was such a cool, unique venue and so much fun.

Cravings this week:  lemonade, grapefruit, and peanut butter toast.  Lemonade makes me violently ill every single time I drink it, but I want it anyway.  I also had my first ice cream craving this week, and then promptly puked it up.

Things that make me sick:  everything, especially the smell of the shower (I know, weird) and most food.  I'm sickest usually in the middle of the night and then in the morning, and then it slows down a little but continues all day.

Running:  I'm still running daily, and still haven't had to slow that down at all.  Running still seems to keep my stomach calm, so I'm gonna keep doing it as long as I can.  Yesterday I took a 2 hour walk, and it felt great.  I think the outside air calms my stomach too.  I started wearing a belly band just for extra support.

Other symptoms:  still exhausted.  Could sleep all day if I let myself.  And very grouchy at times.  haha usually I don't have a mean bone in my body, and no backbone whatsoever.  Not lately.  If someone is rude to me, they get an earful.  It reminds me of my friend Vanessa.  I remember her telling me that when she was pregnant, she had no filter.  She went off on a doctor one night and it was absolutely hilarious.  That is me lately.  Don't mess with the preggo lady.

We told the rest of my dad's side of the family right before the wedding, so everyone knew before the weekend.  Everyone was excited and shocked and thrilled.  It is so great having my sister-in-law Anne who just had my nephew, so she knows everything and is teaching me so much.  She didn't get sick like I do, but she gets the other symptoms and things to expect.  We are so excited to raise our first kids together- Caleb and our baby will only be 9 months apart!  I am 10 months older than my cousin, and we are the best of friends, so I look forward to my kids being close with their cousins too.  The Bahr family is super, super close, and we intend on raising our kiddos together like our parents raised us with our cousins.  I look forward to lots of time spent raising our water babies at my parent's house they are building on Benthaven Island in Lake Conroe.  Their house is basically going to be like a resort when they're done with it, and it will be boating heaven.  Cannot wait to raise our kids on the water and with my family.