BIG. Part 15.

It took me two weeks to finally get off the bathroom floor and start living again.  I wouldn't talk to anyone, except Jon and my parents, and those phone calls were a mix of sobbing and praying together.  My parents cried out to Jesus to help their little girl who hurt so bad she'd lost herself.  My parents were extremely worried about me.  My mom would send me pictures of different wigs and nothing looked right.  I started getting angry and frustrated.  I didn't freakin deserve this!!  Why would God let ANOTHER bad thing happen to me?  What did I do to deserve this?? Knowing that my wedding was four months away was sending me into a tailspin.  I considered postponing it many times.

Each time I took a shower and lost more hair, I lost my mind.  It was a tragic time in my life that I'll never forget.  But if God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it.

There came a time when I couldn't leave the house, because I was too bald to go anywhere.  That was the day I decided it was time to accept this defeat and do something about it.

My dad is the most amazing person I know.  He takes my pain and makes it his....Just like Jesus does with all of us.  My dad wouldn't rest until we had a solution that would make me feel better.  He was willing to do whatever it took to help remedy this situation and heal my broken heart.  After extensive research, he found a place in Chicago that does hair restoration.  It was expensive, but it sounded like the best solution for what I had going on.  I would be able to get a wig made from real hair, and they'd be able to match it exactly to what my hair color normally was.  He told them, spare no expense, make her feel beautiful again.

The next day, I put my bravest face on and went to the appointment.  They immediately found that the best solution would be a wig that could clip into the little amount of hair I still had left.  They were wonderful with me.

When I finally got the wig, I could breathe again.  I literally felt a hundred times stronger.  I had a SOLUTION.  It wasn't my own hair.... and I still shuttered knowing that I'd be wearing a wig on my wedding day....but I felt like myself again.

me with my new 'do!

Looking back on it now, it still hurts.  My hair is growing back, but I still have to wear the wig, and probably will for awhile.  But now I can see the blessings that surrounded that dark time.  God gave me parents who love me so much that they would do anything to help me.  He blessed them so that they would be able to financially help me by paying for the wigs, which I would've never been able to afford on my own.  He gave me a dad who would do anything to help me, and who did.  Who loved me enough to spend his time researching hair restoration places until he found the perfect one.  I am so unbelievably blessed.

Sometimes we have to go through these trials in life so that we are able to open our eyes BIGGER.  To stop focusing on trivial things and to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.  God wants us to see our blessings.  And through this trial, I was able to see my blessings in a much BIGGER way.  Hair or not, I lived.  I have a family and husband who'd do anything for me and who'd love me anyway.  And that, is a BIG deal.