Monkees...

Monkees---

Is planning a wedding this hard for everyone?

Sometimes I think I was born a little broken....just to be brutally honest with ya'll.  Everything just seems HARDER for me... I stress, I worry, I stress some more.  i'm a perfectionist of the worst kind.  This does not bode well for a little girl planning a wedding.  Every piece of this thing just seems SO HARD.

And trust me, I know, there are monkees out there with worse problems.  My close friend is 8.5 months pregnant, trying to fix up a new house, and trying to take care of her sick mom through months and months of hospitalizations, heart surgeries, amputation, rehab, more surgery, potential heart transplant, repeat.  Her mom will likely have to move in with her and her husband and their brand new baby so that she can take care of her mom and her newborn at the same time....and work full time....night shift. And I feel like I complain a lot more than she does sometimes.  Why is is SO HARD for me sometimes?

I worry that it won't be perfect.  I worry that I won't find a dress I love.  I worry that we won't be able to pay for it all.  I worry....etc.  One thing I don't worry about is who I'm marrying.  Lucky for me, that is the easiest part.  I'm smitten with my fiancé and he does everything he can to make it better.  He always tells me.... Tell me what I can do to make it easier... I'll take care of it...stop worrying.   One night amidst a breakdown he made me repeat over and over again...."life is too short.  God made me this way..."  over and over again until I was calm.  then we took a lipstick and I wrote it on my standing mirror so I can look at it everyday.

It's not just the wedding.... I worry about much more than that.  I worry about my friends who are hurting.... I worry about my adopted little girl Dashi in Sri Lanka and what she's going through and who might be hurting her.  I worry that I may have problems having my own little girl someday.

When it gets really rough, God always seems to send me a message to calm me down. This morning, I was driving home from a night at work (unscheduled, I was just there to help the girls since it was crazy-busy and I ended up staying all night....after not sleep-preparing for it, I was DEAD at the end of the shift--- I digress).... anyways, I started worrying that we won't find a church in time to have our wedding (Willow doesn't do weddings on Sundays so we're looking for plan B).  Just then, my mom texted me....7:45 in the morning.... "How are you doing today! Be anxious about nothing.  But in everything with thanksgiving give your requests to the Lord."  Thank you Mama.  thank you Jesus.

And I drove home in peace.