I owe you all a post about these last surgeries (yes surgeries....one turned into two) and the complications that ensued. Let me tell you, it sucked. It did not go as planned and as a result, recovery has been hell on earth. I was scared prior to surgery for the pain, but never did I anticipate what would ensue and just how horrible recovery would be. This is the first time in 20 days that I've been able to sit up long enough to type this post. I'm still really raw from what happened, and it's taking me longer than I thought to type out and relive what happened. Slowly.. SLOWLY... I'm starting to have moments that the pain isn't so horrible I'm in tears. It's been a bitch to be honest....sorry. That's the only word that fits the situation.
But before I go into that, I have to get something else off my chest...something I've learned over this last year that has changed me as a person, as a daughter, sister, wife, and friend. If you yourself have walked through the trenches of hell like I have this year, this is gonna resonate with you.
It might be a fatal illness you yourself experienced- like me.
It might be 10 painful surgeries that changed your life and body forever- like me.
It might be that your son or daughter went through something like this- like my mom and dad.
It might be that you lost your mom- like my friend Jaci.
Or your dad- like my friends the Steinkes.
Or your child-- like my friends the Staehelys.
Or your unborn baby-- like my best friend Liz.
We are all going to experiences these tragedies in life...it is inevitable. We DON'T live forever. This time on Earth is short.... and it can change in a second. Never did my husband expect that when he brought me to the ER last year, I'd end up almost dead, lose much of my leg and abdomen, stay in the hospital for 2 months, go through 10 horrible surgeries, be off work for over a year. Our lives changed in a split second. I went from a happy, healthy marathoner and nurse who was planning a wedding to a critical care patient with half her leg gone, on a ventilator, fighting for life.
If you've gone through something tragic, you realize just how important it is that people show up for you. When I got sick, a million people showed up. And by show up, I don't necessarily mean show up at the hospital. In fact, that was the opposite of what I wanted when I was at the hospital. Showing up can mean sending a card.... calling....sending a text....writing a Facebook message....bringing dinner for the family.... or even just praying. So many people showed up for me, and I am forever grateful to them for saving my life and keeping me going.
I learned just how important it is to SHOW UP. We are all we have on this Earth. And I honestly believe God put us here to SHOW UP for each other when we go through these horrible things. In times of pain and frustration, we've asked ourselves, God, why would you do this? Why would you let me go through this crap over and over? Haven't I had enough? Damn.
God had to break my heart to make me the person I am now. Maybe I was too selfish before. Maybe I didn't have enough empathy for those around me because I had never experienced anything horrible until now. Maybe I needed to go through this so I'd learn how important it is to let your heart break for someone else besides yourself. Because that's who Jesus is. And we're supposed to be modeling our lives after Him.
YOU.... YOU GUYS... have taught me how important it is to show up for each other in these trials. You showed up for me, and it healed my heart. Your messages, calls, texts, cards, visits, prayers.... made me realize how valuable these things are, and now, when I see a friend go through something that is their version of hell, I'm a better friend because of it. Not every friend wants a bunch of visitors.... I certainly don't. But calling and leaving a message, over, and over, even if they don't answer at first.... that means more to them than you'll ever know. I haven't always handled friends' crisis' the way I should have. But now I am and will continue to. I recently had a friend who had a miscarriage, and I haven't gone through that, so I didn't know how to help. All I could do was call...and text....and call... and leave messages. I kept calling for weeks, offering to help in any way I could. I just wanted her to know she was loved. That I was there, walking alongside her. That she wasn't alone.
My family has shown up day after day and have gotten me through this. My mom's friends who are my prayer warriors....have shown up day after day in prayer. My best friends- you know who you are- haven't stopped showing up for me. Even if it's just a quick "how are you doing today" text... It means so much to me.
When we go through hell, we need each other. Not just the first day... two weeks later, we still need it. I now understand how it must feel when you lose a family member and everyone calls at first, but a few weeks go by, and the calls stop coming, and you still feel like you're knee deep in shit and no one cares or understands. Although that's not the case, and people get busy, or don't know how to help anymore, it still is a lonely place to be. So I challenge you (and me) to keep showing up for each other. Not just during the day of the crisis. Two weeks later. And three weeks later. And a month later. It doesn't take but a minute, but it can change that person's whole day. Yesterday, I was a having a rough, feeling sorry for myself day, and I opened the mail to a package from my sister that was filled with my favorite candies and a gift card and a note. It was so incredibly thoughtful and sweet and changed my day around completely. I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt someone walking alongside of me.
Showing up is one of the greatest forms of love we can show. We're here on Earth to practice loving each other as much as we can, because when we get to Heaven, that's what it's all about... love. Our time on Earth is the time we have to practice the love we're supposed to show in Heaven. So why not put some practice in today, and show up for someone?
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