Monday, July 20, 2015

A little worry.

Running is going great, # of weekly miles are increasing, and I've found a sweet solution for Cole during my running..

However, I'm starting to worry a bit about my hip and knee... especially my hip.  When I wake up in the morning, I can barely lift my right leg (the bad leg) up. It will bother me for awhile and then get better, but then after a workout and for the rest of the day (or even on the days I don't run but just am more active) my hip just kills me. I think it's compensating for the lack of muscle in my quad and feels like it's out of place or pulled somehow. I have an appointment next Monday with Dr. Mosier to figure out what is going on, because it's not getting better, and I refuse to just live a sedentary life, just because  of this stupid leg. There are people running marathons with no legs. I can handle 1.5 working legs.

I'm just worried that I'm gonna forever live a life of pain and weakness in this damn leg. If there's an end in sight, it would be better. But I have a feeling this isn't an injury.. just an overworked or wrongly worked hip.

I'd appreciate prayers for this upcoming appointment-- that there are no major injuries or surgery recommendations.

Thanks friends!  (everything else is great! Cole is doing great, family is doing great, etc. Just another little roadblock in the nec fasc journey).

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Sweet spot.

Sorry for the little snooze from the blog.  Things have been crazy busy around here.  Taking care of a baby 24 hours a day is no joke.  We just got back from my sister's wedding in Mexico, which was a great time.... our little 6 month old is a world traveler already.  He's got the cutest passport picture ever.

And I'm afraid to say it, because I don't want to jinx it, but....

We've hit the sweet spot.

We're finally past the colic and all night feeding feeding fests and witching hour and teething fussiness.

I love 6 month old babies.

I know that the teething will continue for quite awhile and we'll probably hit some more rough patches, but geez, it's so nice to have a baby that doesn't cry all day and is so happy and IS SLEEPING AT NIGHT!!

He still doesn't nap much during the day, but hey, if I can get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, I'm a happy mama.  Everyone was right when they told me that colicky babies usually end up being the happiest babies once they get past the nastiness of colic.  He is such a happy little guy, so easy going, and just goes with the flow.  I take him all over the place, so he's well adjusted to moving around and seeing new things.  He didn't cry during the entire trip to Cancun, which included an hour drive to the airport, 2 hours of getting through security and boarding, 4 hour plane ride, hour long wait for our shuttle, and 30 minute trip on the shuttle to the resort.  He spent alot of the time in the Bjorn (BEST INVENTION EVER) and as long as he was attached to me, he was pretty freakin happy.  He was up until around 11 that night seeing our family and having dinner, and did amazing through that.  And the next day, the day of the wedding, my little ring bearer didn't cry at all... not through getting ready, the ceremony, pictures outside, and the entire reception... It was 100 degrees and probably 100% humidity, and he didn't make a peep.  The kid stayed awake the entire time and took it all in.  He danced the ENTIRE night with my aunt, my dad, my brother (my brother danced with him ALOT), my sister, my mom, my cousins... He even had a little glowstick on his wrist.  Baby's first rave.  haha.  He was up until midnight that night, no naps AT ALL, and was happy and content the entire time.  Jon and I were so proud.  It was a blast, my sister looked beautiful and we absolutely loved the dance party with our family.  (side note: the Bahr family LOVES to dance and Cole inherited that gene)... amazing time.

The ride home from Cancun didn't go that great but hey, we can't expect perfection.  He cried and fussed alot during the plane ride, and we had to wait a long time to go through Customs in the US and he was just DONE by then.

Since then, he's slept through the night every night this week.  He's been going down around 7:30-8 pm and waking up around 6-7.  Today he actually slept until 8, which was a freakin miracle and I stared at the monitor for 2 hours making sure he was breathing and missing him.  I miss him every night when I put him down, although it's also the best feeling in the world.  Ahh... finally he's asleep... but aww I miss my little buddy.  Parenthood is a funny thing.  Jon and I love going in his room after he finally falls asleep and seeing how precious and adorable he looks while he sleeps.  The best is when he falls asleep holding his bunny and last night he fell asleep on his tummy with his butt straight up in the air. It was too cute and too funny for words.

Other than that, we are just busy living life and being new parents.  Jon is working longer hours at his new job, so our schedule has changed a bit, and although it was hard at first, we are adjusting and dealing and settling in to our new way of life.  He gets home around 7:15 (on a good night) and spends a little time with Cole before his last feeding.  I try to bathe him before J gets home so that when he's done playing with him, I can feed him and then we put him to bed.  Sometimes I'll have dinner prepared too, so J will eat while I feed C for the last time and then I'll eat after I put him to bed if I'm hungry.  The other half of the time, Jon will make dinner while I give C his last bottle and bedtime routine, and then we'll eat together after Cole is in bed.  I love those nights when I don't have to make dinner and I have something made for me after I finally get him in bed.  But it all depends on the day and how late Jon gets home and how my day went with Cole.

I finally figured out a good gym routine too.  For awhile, I was only able to run on the weekends and maybe one day a week because Jon's work hours were so long and busy and I didn't want to leave him with baby duty after he got home.  I finally decided to look into the childcare program at my gym.  Lifetime has an amazing program... the babies have their own separate room, and it's one caregiver to one baby.  It's amazingly clean and the girls that work there are real daycare providers that know what they're doing. He has up to 2 hours in there, but I only leave him for an hour at the most.  One day I ran for 90 minutes, but I went to check on him halfway through.  It's great for me to be able to get my running in while Jon is at work so that we can spend time together when he's home and I don't feel bad about missing the gym.  So far so good.

Cole is eating baby food and baby cereal now.  He loves fruit, and not really a fan of vegetables, but he'll eat it.  I'm still breastfeeding and pumping too, which I am really freaking proud of, because it's damn hard.  It is alot of work and alot of time and takes quite a toll on a woman's body, but I know it's best for him and I'm proud of almost 7 months nursing.  I never really set a goal for myself but in my head, I thought I'd lose my milk naturally around 6-7 months and would just kinda stop then.  Thanks to a great breastfeeding support group, I've kept it up and hopefully I'll get to a year.

As far as my nec fasc recovery goes, I'm doing well, although I've hit a bit of a stagnant point that I don't see going away.  Because of the lack of muscle in my leg, I still have pain in my knee and hip, especially when I'm running around, which is pretty much daily.  It's not bad enough to need physical therapy or a walker but I do have to take Ibuprofen or tylenol quite a bit.  I thank God that I'm doing better than most of the people I know from Necrotizing Fasciitis support group who have to be on meds and wheelchairs or walkers the rest of their lives. I know this is something I'm just gonna have to live with now and I just suck it up and deal.  The scarring is hard to deal with at times.  I've heard the quote, "Never be ashamed of your scars, because they are proof that you are stronger than what tried to hurt you" but it is hard and there are days that just looking at the them pisses me off and brings me to tears.  They are never going away and that's a tough thing to deal with at times.  The illness and coma and sepsis and surgeries have also taken away a chunk of my energy.  This is typical for people who have lived through the horror of nec fasc.  It really takes a toll on the body, and if you're lucky enough to live through it at all, you have to accept a harder way of life.  Since I got sick, it's just harder to be on my feet and sometimes my body doesn't want to move, but I have a baby to take care of.  He's my inspiration on a daily basis, and forces me to live an active life.  Sometimes I feel exhausted just thinking about how I used to be able to work 13 hours a day, 7 days a week, take flight call, get called in for a transport overnight and then have to work the next day, and still run 7+ miles 7 days a week.  I can't even fathom being able to do that anymore.  But my determination and drive still lives in my heart and therefore, I will continue to be strong, be the best mom and wife I can be, be running as many miles as I can, and hopefully return to working hospital life soon.  We don't have a good childcare solution right now, so if I was working, we'd have to put him in daycare, and neither Jon nor I are ready to do that yet.  Jon is the most protective daddy there is and I'm trying not to helicopter him, but it's hard not to when he's so precious and miraculous and adorable.  Right now, we're just living and I'm trying to strengthen my body back up and take care of him, and we are blessed that we are able to do that.  Thank you God for Jon's job.

Thank you for all of your prayers throughout the last 2 years... God has really looked out for me during this recovery and has given me strength I never knew I had and abundant blessings.  Cole is the greatest gift God has ever given me and the joy I feel everyday is worth any scar.

And now, for some recent pictures....

Beach Baby!

Uncle Bryan getting some practice in!

Loved the sandy beach!

First airplane ride!

Little ring bearer.. my mom carried him down the aisle.

Swoon! He has my heart!!