Saturday, August 24, 2013

BIG. Part 16.

After I had a wig on my head, it was time to fast track to the wedding.  There was only a few months until the Big Day, and I had a ton of stuff left to do, after being sick and hospitalized and then handicapped at home for 4 months.  Although I had a ton of doctors appointments and physical therapy all the time, the time away from work allowed me to get a lot of the little details done.  I don't know how I would've ever planned that wedding without that time off of work.  Before I got sick, between working full-time, extra shifts, and being on night shift, I was constantly either working, sleeping, or trying to sleep.  That was one blessing of being on medical leave.

 During those few months before the wedding, things were rough financially.  Jon was doing amazing at work, THANK GOD, and was able to help me a lot, as well as pay for a lot of things we needed for the wedding.  Jon got a HUGE promotion at work during the first few months of my recovery, which was, I believe, a gift from God.  He giveth and he taketh away.  Although I felt like so many things had been taken away, God was also giving me everything I needed to get through this tragedy.  Although I had several million dollars in medical bills and a wedding to plan, I tried not to worry about money and how we would pay for things.  I prayed that God would provide....and He did.  He provided me with a fiancĂ© who was now making good money and had been frugal for his whole he had money saved to pay for wedding things, the honeymoon, and a lot of my bills.  He paid for everything in cash, so that we wouldn't add any more financial stress to ourselves after we got married.  God also provided me with parents that were able to support me financially with basically anything I needed, including my bills, rent, and paying for most of the wedding.  He provided me with a dad, who as an attorney, was able to find us the one of the best worker's compensation lawyers in Chicago.  He provided me with a mom who through the help of her sister, my Aunt Sue, was able to get my disability  set-up, new insurance, and financial assistance from the hospital.  Things I would've never been able to do on my own.  God set it up so perfectly.  Because if He brings you to it.....HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT.  He really will.  Like I've said before, you have to do your part.  You have to work hard, do what is right and what you need to do (for me, it was working hard in physical therapy, keeping on top of all paperwork and phone calls for doctors and disability, and planning the wedding).  But in hard times, in tragedies, if you do your part, and then pray for God to provide you with the means to get through it, He will GET YOU THROUGH IT.

I have found that the only way to get through a BIG, is to place your life in the hands of our BIG God.

I was working my butt off in physical therapy so that I could ditch the walker for the wedding.  If you read my post about walking down the aisle in my wedding, you'll remember that for two weeks before the wedding, I refused to use the walker.  I was falling all over the place and in a lot of pain, but my goal from the beginning was to be able to walk down the aisle on my wedding day.  You'll read about my wedding next....

Saturday, August 10, 2013

BIG. Part 15.

It took me two weeks to finally get off the bathroom floor and start living again.  I wouldn't talk to anyone, except Jon and my parents, and those phone calls were a mix of sobbing and praying together.  My parents cried out to Jesus to help their little girl who hurt so bad she'd lost herself.  My parents were extremely worried about me.  My mom would send me pictures of different wigs and nothing looked right.  I started getting angry and frustrated.  I didn't freakin deserve this!!  Why would God let ANOTHER bad thing happen to me?  What did I do to deserve this?? Knowing that my wedding was four months away was sending me into a tailspin.  I considered postponing it many times.

Each time I took a shower and lost more hair, I lost my mind.  It was a tragic time in my life that I'll never forget.  But if God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it.

There came a time when I couldn't leave the house, because I was too bald to go anywhere.  That was the day I decided it was time to accept this defeat and do something about it.

My dad is the most amazing person I know.  He takes my pain and makes it his....Just like Jesus does with all of us.  My dad wouldn't rest until we had a solution that would make me feel better.  He was willing to do whatever it took to help remedy this situation and heal my broken heart.  After extensive research, he found a place in Chicago that does hair restoration.  It was expensive, but it sounded like the best solution for what I had going on.  I would be able to get a wig made from real hair, and they'd be able to match it exactly to what my hair color normally was.  He told them, spare no expense, make her feel beautiful again.

The next day, I put my bravest face on and went to the appointment.  They immediately found that the best solution would be a wig that could clip into the little amount of hair I still had left.  They were wonderful with me.

When I finally got the wig, I could breathe again.  I literally felt a hundred times stronger.  I had a SOLUTION.  It wasn't my own hair.... and I still shuttered knowing that I'd be wearing a wig on my wedding day....but I felt like myself again.

me with my new 'do!

Looking back on it now, it still hurts.  My hair is growing back, but I still have to wear the wig, and probably will for awhile.  But now I can see the blessings that surrounded that dark time.  God gave me parents who love me so much that they would do anything to help me.  He blessed them so that they would be able to financially help me by paying for the wigs, which I would've never been able to afford on my own.  He gave me a dad who would do anything to help me, and who did.  Who loved me enough to spend his time researching hair restoration places until he found the perfect one.  I am so unbelievably blessed.

Sometimes we have to go through these trials in life so that we are able to open our eyes BIGGER.  To stop focusing on trivial things and to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.  God wants us to see our blessings.  And through this trial, I was able to see my blessings in a much BIGGER way.  Hair or not, I lived.  I have a family and husband who'd do anything for me and who'd love me anyway.  And that, is a BIG deal.