I'm 14.5 weeks today (almost 4 months) but I wrote this a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant.... my initial reaction to finding out the biggest surprise of my life.
*****
God just gave us the BIGGEST surprise miracle of all.
Baby Nilles will be arriving in December!
I am still in shock. I'm writing this post long before we're going to be telling people about this pregnancy, but I wanted to make sure I journaled how I'm feeling at this exact moment. It's still a major secret right now, but here's the list of people who know our secret:
my Mom & Dad
My brother Matt & sisters Jessica and Anne
My best friends Liz, Erum & Nicole
My work girls Tenele, Vanessa, & Kim.
Everyone else is completely unaware, and it's kinda fun to have this little secret that only jon and me, my immediate family, and my closest girls know. We're going to tell Jon's parents this weekend- mother's day. I got a little frame that says "Grandma's little cutie" and I'm going to put a pic of one of our ultrasounds in it and give it to my mother-in-law for mom's day. They are going to be beyond shocked.
Other than that, we have another month or so before we tell the rest of our families and friends.
Right now I'm feeling:
Shocked, scared, excited, terrified, thrilled. And most of all, nauseous and puking and exhausted.
I had an appointment with my OB doctor today and they found the heartbeat... 116 bpm. I'm officially due on December 20th, and I'm 7 weeks and 4 days right now. The baby is measuring a size of 5 weeks 6 days, so he or she is a little peanut, but everything looked great on ultrasound, tiny little bean was there, heart beating away. I have to up my nutrition a bit to grow this bean, but it's looking like we may have a bitty baby.
You don't even understand what a shocking miracle this baby is. I didn't write this in my earlier blogs, because it was such a scary and private thing for me... but after I got sick, had all the surgeries, and started to get better, my nec fasc doctors sat me down and gave me some sad and scary news. They told me that due to how deep the infection had gone into the abdomen and how much tissue had been removed, it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant. The areas affected were so close to where those reproductive organs are that it would be physiologically impossible for it to happen.
Besides the infection and surgeries, my hormones were hugely affected by the sepsis, shock, and organ failure, and they've never normalized since. Well, apparently, they normalized enough for me to get pregnant. Somehow, despite the odds being against us is EVERY WAY POSSIBLE, God did His own thing and created this miracle for me.
We were told we couldn't get pregnant, we weren't at all trying to get pregnant, yet here I am, 7.5 weeks pregnant with a tiny miracle bean.
Dr. Yockey calls this baby Miracle Bean. And every time I leave the office, the nurses yell after me, Grow Bean Grow! I have a wonderfully amazing OB team that are extra careful with me and this baby, and are watching EVERYTHING, and everyone is behind us. I work with my doctor in L&D at Alexian Brothers, so she was there when I got sick, there when I had those first 3 surgeries, and even snuck into the OR at one point to see how I was doing. When I went for my first appointment after getting a positive test at home, everyone in the office knew who I was, "that L&D nurse who had nec fasc and almost died" and everyone was so shocked and thrilled to witness this miracle. We've already done 5 ultrasounds since I found out I was pregnant, which is alot, but it makes me feel a little less scared knowing that my doctor is watching everything and we're taking things day by day.
How did I find out I was pregnant? I almost didn't.
Every few months since we've been married, I've taken a test just to be sure, since like I said, my hormones are out of whack. Not to get into too much detail, but basically what I'm saying is that if I didn't take a test, I wouldn't know either way, monthly, like other women do. So anyways, I decided to take my random test one night a few weeks ago, and after seeing it looked negative after a minute, I threw it away. I don't know what made me look at it a second time a few minutes later, but I dug it out and checked it again. Honestly, I have no idea why. I saw a tiny, faint second line. I didn't believe it, but was freaked out. You could barely see the second line so I thought it was nothing. I called my best friend and she told me to take another test in the morning. So I did. On Easter. And it was positive.
The next day, I took two more tests, one of them being digital, and when it said in clear words, "pregnant." I completely freaked. I called the dr immediately and said, "Um I've never had this happen before so I don't know what I'm doing, but I think i'm pregnant. And I have a pretty extensive health history, so I think I should probably see the dr right away." She scheduled me for an appointment and ultrasound the next day.
Then I told Jon. Who didn't believe me. Even after I showed him the four tests, he didn't believe me. He didn't believe me when the blood test the next day was positive either. I don't think it hit him until I brought home a picture of the tiny bean on ultrasound. Then I gave him a little onesie that says 'Daddy's Little Caddy' and told him he's gonna have a golf buddy in December. He was shocked, but thrilled. We just cannot believe it.
I wanted to tell my parents, and Matt, Anne, Jess, and Mike in a cute way, but I couldn't wait. I won't see my parents for another 3 weeks, and I just couldn't wait that long. My parents screamed over the phone, we all cried, and I think my dad is still in shock. He and Jon are in "Worried Daddy" mode right now.... My dad is worried about his baby, and Jon is worried about his baby. They both think I need to be seen at least weekly at the dr, which I tried to explain to them is overkill, but you know how they both were when I was sick, well, now they still have those worries, plus the Bean to worry about.
There are worries, as there are with any pregnancy. Even the most normal, healthy pregnancies can have issues and things go wrong. All we can do is take one day at a time, and pray pray pray.
I truly believe God gave us this baby because it is right in His timing. We just have to trust and pray, just like every other pregnant woman does. Please pray for a wall of protection around me and our baby as we go through these next 7 months. Pray for a healthy baby. That's all we care about.
Not sure if we're going to find out the gender yet... right now I think we're keeping it a surprise. But we'll see...that may change :) We honestly don't care either way-- all we want is a healthy little peanut. I'm due on December 20, and they'll likely do my c-section a week if not two weeks early, so sometime in December, Mady will be a big sister. I told her already, and so far, she seems okay with it. It should be interesting, bringing the little one home to a very spoiled and attached-to-her-mommy beagle. Mady may be introduced to a cage for awhile. Crossing our fingers.
Well, I've only had to stop once during this post to throw up. So I've only gotten sick once in the last hour...progress! Needless to say, all I have done is constantly throw up for the last week. The doctor gave me some nausea medicine, so hopefully that will start to help, otherwise, I'm gonna be carrying around that damn feeding tube again. (kidding!)
Please pray for our bean. Pray that God places a wall of protection around our baby and his/her mama. We're scared and all we want is a healthy baby and mama. Can't wait to post this in another few months.
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